Dr. James, 0s:

They want to hear the guest. Yo, what is up, squad? We're back for another Dentistry Infest podcast with Mr Tom. I almost said Dr Tom, but Tom is of course not a doctor, as far as I know, at least not a doctor of dentistry, right, tom?

Tom, 12s:

I am not a doctor of dentistry or psychology, but I've been in the world of changing the way people think, feel and behave for 25 years. My original training was in clinical hypnotherapy, so for years I was, you know, curing phobias in one session and stopping people from smoking. But over time I started enjoying myself and, frankly, making more money, helping people who make money make more money by looking at their beliefs about life, their beliefs about success and, you know, and their relationship to self, which is probably the single most important factor when it comes to taking your life, your business, to the next level.

Dr. James, 49s:

I'm a believer in that too. So we're not a doctor, but we are providing a remedy, so to speak, or that. I don't want to say pill, because that kind of makes it sound like it's like easy. Do you know what I mean? But it is a remedy, it's like therapy, I suppose. Yeah, and I'm a big, maybe those are not quite the right words, but what I'm saying is that we're providing a solution to help people, which is the tenet of a doctor. But anyway, yeah, and to what you were saying just a second ago, I'm the biggest believer in the whole wide world in this stuff and I really, really, really didn't for such a long time actually buy into the whole subscription where, if you self-inquire and you evaluate your own beliefs, you can hit the next level of success, success successively. There's a next successive level of success, so to speak. Uh, and then? But now I look back at myself. I used to think those things, think those things, and I was like, james, you probably needed that more than anybody did. You actually really needed it. And now I think to myself, sometimes when I, you know, sometimes when people are not open that stuff and I see it and I'm like, actually I think you need this more than anybody, at least in my opinion. Are you with me? At least in my opinion? But this is why it's so important to talk about this stuff on the podcast, and you know what the title of this podcast today is about your engine, your engine for success, so to speak. So I'm going to throw the mic over to you, tom. What does that mean? You and I were talking off camera. We were like let's call it that, and there were some reasons why, and I feel like the audience would benefit hearing them more from you than from me.

Tom, 2m 14s:

No problem. So, as I was saying to you, the engine that a lot of people use to be successful, to get to their first six figures or seven figures, is actually most commonly fear-based. It's based on being a good boy or a good girl, or proving the world wrong, or working really hard, or getting enough acorns together to make it through winter, or buying their first you know bus car or, you know, paying off the mortgage, all these things. But they're essentially based on our survival circuitry. This is the inner cave man or the inner cave woman fighting against the vicissitudes of life and trying to make it so that they are going to guarantee that they're going to survive, still fear-based, way more likely to have stress in it, way more likely to be tense, way more likely to be unwell, way more likely that when you get to that success, you won't enjoy it, because actually what got you there was white knuckles and long days and terrifying nights, you know, and it's like, but that can get you so far. But if you really want to take yourself to the next level, then it's actually about thinking about service and caring for the people around you and building space and building legacy, and that's a very different circuitry. I call it about moving from the warrior archetype to the sovereign right, so from the warrior to the king or to the queen. You know like the warrior sleeps with one eye open, sword under the pillow. You know it's like ready to go, whereas the king or the queen they've managed to build an abundant queendom or kingdom that's so successful that they don't even need a guard at the door. They sleep in silk, they sleep well, they haven't had to pick up a sword in years. And it's like what's the difference there? How do we think and feel and behave as though we're already winning? How do we manage to establish that kind of circuitry? Because I tell you what, when you're talking to a warrior, it's a hard sell, it feels like a risk. When you're talking to someone in their sovereign archetype, when someone is that regulated in their nervous system, they just feel like money, they just feel like they're landed, they've got more than enough for more than enough. They're children's children and are never going to need to worry about money. And now they're doing it because they love it, ideally, and they're just enjoying themselves and they like working with people that they like and they enjoy their role as a leader within their workplace, within their community or within their family, and so they're bringing people on, they're mentoring people, they're helping their staff become better versions of themselves. Their staff are loyal. You know, we go from like scrabbling for every acorn to being way more generous and actually probably then then doing becoming much, much more successful I agree, man, it's about giving it's, it's.

Dr. James, 4m 58s:

It's. Something that held me back for a long time was I was like, right, I have to hit a certain level of whatever that was wealth in order to start giving. But actually, what I realized was what I observed with time is not only is it more way more fun to be more generous and abundant as you're ascending the mountain, so to speak, but you actually ascend the mountain faster, in my opinion 100%.

Tom, 5m 21s:

I mean, in every wisdom tradition there's the recommendation of the tithe giving 10% of your money to the church or whatever. And people think that's about, you know, making sure the church roof stays on top of the building. You know, and that's partly it. You know, and certainly some pastors, you know, it gets a bit ridiculous, you know, but actually it's about the psychology of abundance. It's when we're in a position where we feel that we can give from what we've got, it holds a belief that we have more coming, that we have plenty. And that circuitry, that way of thinking, that way of feeling generosity, service, kindness, and it doesn't have to be just about money, it can be about your mentorship. How many people listening to this are actively seeking mentees, people that they can recognize a few years before where they were and they can offer a few words of wisdom, maybe an hour a week or even just one hour a month. But they find someone in their industry who's younger, less experienced, who's got a good heart, who's a gifted dentist, for example, and they could just reach out and say listen, I've been where you are. I know what's hard about it. You've just started your practice. Let me help you grow it, whatever it's like. If there's anything I can do to offer you support or offer you connection, I'll make introductions, I'll be a sounding board for your marketing strategy, or you know. Just imagine how valuable it would have been for you to receive that and thinking, actually, you know what I'll offer that I'll offer that. It's a different kingship, it's a different queenship, it's a different way of relating to life, says I have plenty and I'm willing to share. We walk around with that energy. People will want to invest in us. They'll want us to look after their teeth. You know, it's just, it's a totally different energy you know.

Dr. James, 6m 54s:

To go back to the engine analogy, you and I were talking just off camera before we hit the record button. We were talking about alex famosi and people who listen to the podcast. Have I mentioned Alex Ramosi before? I'm pretty sure I've mentioned him a few times, but anyway, I'm a fan. I think he's great and what he's doing is phenomenal. And he has this saying where he's like if you think about yourself as a car or a vehicle and you're driving down the road, you're going from A to B, you're from where you are to the next version of you or your accomplishments, your goals or objectives, and the car needs fuel. Does a car burn clean fuel or is a car burn dirty fuel? And that's based, that's basically based on what he, where he was going with that, was he was like. What actually drives you? What propels you? Is it anger? Is it trying to prove that person semi fictitious person in the past wrong, because you feel like they irritated you or they wronged you at the time? And the reason I say semi-fictitious is sometimes you blow these things totally out of proportion. In fact, oftentimes we do and we know that person had never even intentionally upset us and now we're living our whole life trying to hit a tier of success, to in some way show them that we are superior or we're not. We're not defined by what they said to us at some point in the past, which we may even be misremembering as well. So that's the dirty fuel, so to speak, whereas the clean fuel is how can I make the world better? Who can I help? Who can I elevate alongside myself? Everything along those lines? Sometimes it's a combination of the two things, but it's a good thing to be able to do, to self-inquire and think yourself right where does my fuel come from? And actually, whilst I'm on this journey, if that fuel is burning, not so nice to recognize that actually it's possible to have clean fuel as well and then therefore be more fulfilled and happy as we're progressing. 100 100.

Tom, 8m 41s:

I mean in sports psychology. The funny thing is in in most people know that people to take their sports game like all of the professional athletes in the world right, they have a coach at least right on the team, right. But most of them invest extraordinary amounts of money in psychology right in working with people to look at their inner game, to look at what they're feeling, to think about what they're believing as they pick up the ball and they try and serve well, or you know, it's like there's a whole massive amount of science to it and that applies completely to business and one of the first things any sports psychologist worth their weight will teach you is about overstimulation. So if you take a professional footballer and he's, he's in the he's, he's in the practice grounds and he's kind of running down the right wing with a ball, right, there's no defenders, there's no goalie right, and he takes a shot from like 50 meters out or 30 meters out, a massive shot right, without anyone there, he's probably going to be able to get that ball in a space that's this big nine times out of 10, right. But you put him in a championship match, 70,000 spectators, you know he's got the world's best defenders bearing down on him. He's got the world's best goalie and they've got two minutes to take this shot and then they'll win the game, will not lose it. Right, and you see, these professional footballers, they'll miss the goal by the width of the size of a goal. Right, why? They're overstimulated, they want it too much, they're overly attached, they've got in their head and they're getting in the way of what they could do nine times out of 10, actually probably 99 times out of a hundred in practice without that pressure. The pressure creates fear, creates attachment. With attachment we come out of the flow state where our natural genius can do what needs to be done. This turns up in business more than it does on a sports pitch. My biggest challenge is people are like Tom. They don't use this analogy, but essentially they present to me in fourth gear and they recognize I could help them get to fifth gear. Most of the time I help people realize that they are tearing around in second gear and they've got no idea. But they've got eight gears and another six cylinders. They've got no idea, but they've got eight gears and another six cylinders. They've got no idea of their potential. On my website, the first thing you'll see there is when you see yourself, as I already see you, there'll be no stopping you, because I see the inherent potential in people and it's not because of who they are, it's because of what the human mind is and what's possible. And when you look at, it's not just about overstimulation, or you know, or the tension or the attachment to outcome that completely gets in the way of our flow. You know it's just like what do people believe is a lot of money? What do people believe is possible? You know people think oh well, more money is. You know, 70 hours a week work. Or you know it's just all sorts of ideas, old, historical ideas. I mean most people have learned what love is and what marriage is and what money is and what success is from their parents. I don't know about you, but that's terrifying. That's terrifying. Some of it was good. Lots of it was not good. Most of it was an imaginary, illusory, inaccurate, unhelpful set of ideas and beliefs that I have spent an awful lot of time deprogramming and then I've spent an awful lot of time actively reprogramming. What are the beliefs? What is the fuel I need to run on and how can I change my engine so that I've got clean fuel and I've got an optimized engine which isn't being driven from survivalist fear and is actually creative and capable in ways that I couldn't previously have dreamed of.

Dr. James, 12m 15s:

I love that and you know, one thing that I touch on a lot on the Dennis Hounfass podcast is the concept of retirement, and I feel that it feeds into a lot of the preconceived biases that we have whenever it comes to how life should be and how life should look. So, for example, a lot of us feel like we have to be on a mission or a goal or objective, like there has to be something that we work towards on a mission or a goal or objective, like there has to be something that we work towards and there has to be sacrifice in the meantime. Right, I think that's BS, bro. I really, really, really do. Yeah, and the reason that I think that is that, actually, if you make that your belief with regards to if you make it your belief that you have to sacrifice your subconscious that's, in your subconscious mind your physical reality, will find a way to prove yourself right and you won't be enjoying the moment as much as you presently could be and actually, in reality, you can hit this financial milestone of financial freedom where you have enough. You are able to not do a day's work in your life ever, continuously, ever again, but you actually enjoyed the journey to get there as well. That is totally possible. And even if you, even if that doesn't actually happen in your life, if you make it your belief, you're way more likely to see that in your own reality, and that's why engineering your beliefs and auditing your beliefs is a very powerful thing to do 100% audit.

Tom, 13m 39s:

Beliefs engineer them and they get in the emotional state which is a vibrational match to the future that you want now, today. That's the key. It's like and language betrays that. If you speak to a lot of people who are trying to change their life, they'll say I'm going to start going to the gym, or I want to hit my next target. Or you know, when I used to stop people smoking, one of the hardest things was getting them to think like someone that doesn't smoke. You had to prepare them. When they went home, you had to tell them to brief their family, not to say how long has it been since you had a cigarette. It's like you don't say that to someone that doesn't smoke. You have to build an environment around that person which is in keeping with the identity that is the person they want to be. So in the programming at the end of a smoking session, you're like, when you see other people smoking, you're going to feel sorry for them. It's going to be confusing to you as to why someone would do that. And when you see other people smoking, you're just going to be really happy that you breathe clean air. Right, that's what people who don't smoke or have never smoked. They look at a smoke and they go that's weird man, why would you do that? It stinks, it's bad for your health, it makes your skin look old, right, it's right. It's just like, it's weird, right? So you have to rebuild that psychology. It's the same with wealth we have to rebuild our idea and align with it. And it's actually not about our thoughts, it's thoughts drive emotion. It's the emotion which is a vibrational match for the future, which is why gratitude is such a powerful energy, right, but it's like it's a gratitude isn't about doing a gratitude list, you know. It's about living a life now in a way that we feel really grateful for the life that we have, because that is the vibrational match for success. Gratitude, right. And so you know you have to detox Not just your kind of negative beliefs, but you also have to detox from your system all of the unresolved negative emotions that we've gathered. All of the unresolved negative emotions that we've gathered. Most humans, and certainly a lot of scientifically based ones and academically based ones, things that probably fits the dentist psychology is they have enough intelligence to logic themselves out of their feelings right Now. That works for a while, but after a while your storage system gets clogged. So that thing that happened when you were 11, that thing when you were 17,. These resentments, these frustrations, these fears, they clog your system. So you can't just reboot your language patterns, you can't just reboot your expectations. It's the emotional, vibrational match of the future that you want, you have to create now. But that means you can't be holding on to being pissed off about that thing your dad did or didn't do when you were 12. It blocks the system. It clogs the system. So off about that thing your dad did or didn't do when you were 12. It blocks the system. It clogs the system. So you want to do an emotional detox of all of the resentment and frustrations, get rid of all of that. Then you want to do an audit on the negative beliefs, dissolve those and then work on reprogramming and building a vision for your life which hopefully inspires you and the people around you, you know. And then you build language that fits that. But it's based on who you are now like. The success you're enjoying now and the success you're going to enjoy 20 years from now are based on the characteristics that are inside your skin and bones. Now, james, right, that's inside you, right, so it has to be revealed, recognized, aligned with, but it's not going to be added to you. This is going to be given more space, more runway and probably more belief than anything, right. So it's like it's in you. Everyone listening to this, that version of you that you can connect to that will enable you to be more successful, is right here, right now, fully formed. What do you, what can happen in order for you to feel that, and what do you need to detox and what do you need to let go of to be able to start running on that cleaner fuel? That's the interesting stuff. This is the psychology of success, and it's not about your marketing strategy and it's not about your social media strategy. It's like all of those things will work way better when you're someone who's at peace with who you are, because you've done that work on clearing out all that old crap and you're now aligned, and that future version of you is there, and every single time I've done this kind of unleashing work with people, that future version has some element of service or kindness or compassion or contribution. You know both in terms of how you bring your staff along, how you are for your family members, maybe a certain percentage of your profits goes to charities you care about. Service is is a key because it's that abundant. I've got way more than I need and it just feels fun to be the kind of person that's bringing people along, investing in social change and just being part of making the world a better place. Because you can have success without that. But the success won't feel like success when you get there. It will feel hollow and pointless and meaningless. Because newsflash, surprise, surprise. External success has got nothing to do with happiness. You know it really hasn't. You know you will be more successful and it's listen, it's more fun to be depressed in a, in a mansion than it is in the fucking bed set. That's for sure. Right, it doesn't make a difference. It doesn't make a difference and everyone knows that. Yet they still think you know what, when I'm successful, I'll be happy. It's like no, no, get happy. Success will come and you won't need it in the same way. That's the non-attachment. It's like I'm loving it because of who I'm being every day and you said it off camera. The most amazing thing is our dreams and our being an entrepreneur is the wildest personal development journey. It's like relationships they do that. They hold up a mirror to your nonsense, right, but being an entrepreneur, it's like there's no way to hide. If you're paying attention, everyday, school is showing you where you're in fear, where you're in lack, where you're in attachment, how you're being a dick. You know because you'll see people on a daily basis, either responding to you, expanding to you or contracting and leaning away from you.

Dr. James, 19m 6s:

If you're paying attention, business is pure personal development it really is true, and that was the side that I never really appreciated about business until I got into it, because I always was interested in personal development. And then I was like, actually, success in entrepreneur land, if you want to call it that, and also personal development are literally one of the same thing. So by me being interested in this, it actually allows me to be better on both fronts really, and I was like, right, wow, okay, I'll find something that I love. In that case, that was my big epiphany, and you know, I wanted to share something. Just to go back to what you were saying earlier, you were talking about being more present than happy in the here and now, being more at one with yourself, and then what that means is that we get to enjoy the journey a little bit more. I actually feel like if we do have an objective and an external objective, that you're actually way more likely to hit it if you are content in the here and now, and you've done that in your work. So it's a big thing for me to realize, tom was. I thought that these two things were at odds with each other. I was like, right, we either be happy now and we sacrifice our goals and ambitions. Or we'd be unhappy now or make some sort of sacrifice, and then we hit the goals and ambitions. Or we'd be unhappy now or make some sort of sacrifice, and then we hit the goals and ambitions sooner. Big epiphany for me was to realize that actually you can have both and actually they complement and synergize each other. That was a hundred percent big realization, big realization, right. And one more thing, because I want to the listeners to benefit from your expertise more than what I think on this podcast today. Um, some of the wealthiest people I've met are the most chill people who don't give a toss and they almost don't. Almost when you're talking to them, you kind of like talking to them and just like, wow, you've done so well, like you've got, you've got so many millions, and blah, blah, blah, and it's almost like they don't even realize it or it's almost like they haven't thought about it in great detail. So much is the thing that strikes me about them sometimes, and the reason why that strikes me a lot is we all create all these beliefs around it. Like it has to be hard and you have to wait until you're 30 or 40 years down the line in order to achieve. You know you've hit your. You know your 30 40 years into the line in order to achieve. You know you've hit your. You know you're 30, 40 years into your career. So what? Like 50 and 60. And it's almost like because we think that we inadvertently create that reality for ourselves without realizing it, because we're fulfilling our inner expectation of how it should be and how it should look. And when you meet these people sometimes we've done these amazing things it's almost like they've never actually been. They've never had those belief, those limiting beliefs crafted inside of them, which is why, now that they've hit that level of success, it doesn't really feel like that big a deal to them because, because it was meant to be hard, right never exactly. They never learned. It was meant to be hard, they never had the impediments put there in the first place, right, and that for me was crazy because I was like, right, we get rid of the impediments and actually these things can happen a lot smoother, sooner, faster, anyway, listen, less talking from me, less talking for me, no, you're absolutely right.

Tom, 22m 14s:

You're absolutely right. That internal expectation, that belief, what's possible? I'm reminded of the guy who started, actually, the conscious birth movement many, many, many, many years ago and he wrote a book called childbirth without fear and it was originally inspired. This was written many, many years ago and it was inspired because he was a doctor and he in the second world war and the air sirens were going off a bomb, you know, bombs were coming and he was tanking across London to find a shelter. But as he he was doing that, he happened upon this street girl, the street girl who was clearly going into labor and he was so concerned for her welfare he was willing to not go into a bomb shelter and just make sure she was okay. But she seemed to be fine and he just hung back and silently, in a very short amount of time, she had this child. And once she'd had the child, he approached her and said I'm a doctor, I just want to double check, you're okay. And she went I'm fine, I'm fine. And he went. Didn't that hurt? Because she had not made like a squeak, you know? And she looked up and went was it meant to? Like she had no concept? For whatever reason. She bought up on the streets. She'd not seen any TV shows, read any books. No one ever talked to her about childbirth. She had nothing in her consciousness that childbirth is meant to be noisy or painful. He had nothing in her consciousness that childbirth is meant to be noisy or painful and it blew his mind. He realized that so much of that tension that comes to that process is what creates the experience. And this is true for all you people out there trying to grow your squat or, you know, build your business or whatever it is you're doing as a dentist out there, or build your portfolio. It's like, are you expecting it to be painful? Maybe you could just have that belief that it could just come out nice and easy. You know, is that possible? And if you're, for those of you who've given birth and it wasn't nice and easy, you know you can Google orgasmic births and it will blow your mind what's possible with the human body, with certain beliefs. And I've helped, you know, when I used to be a jobbing hypnotherapist, hypnobirthing births, and it's incredible what is possible. And of course, that's true for our business is true. We can birth these things, believe in them that they're going to go, it's going to go smoothly, it's going to be painless, and that doesn't mean there won't be difficulty, it doesn't mean there won't be complexity. But you know, people often say it's not about, it's not about the destination, it's about the journey. But the journey will still suck on some days. It will suck. Don't take comfort or joy from the journey, because that will fluctuate Again. Your mood is dependent on whether you get the contract, bring in the client, get that full math reconstruction quota you're aiming for whatever it may be. No, no, the enjoyment comes from who you're aiming for, whatever it may be. No, no, the enjoyment comes from who you're becoming on the journey. That's the only thing you've got in your control. That's the only thing you've got in your control and that is the game changer thank you, man.

Dr. James, 25m 9s:

Awesome. You know, tom, I was curious as well. A lot of this stuff is really useful and you know we're both big fans of it. Clearly, and for people who are listening, they might be thinking to themselves right, brilliant, how do I make this like really actionable? How do I start switch? First of all, how do I recognize that? Because what we've done up to this point we've basically allowed people to understand there's many advantages into allowing and welcoming this wisdom into your life, and people might now be thinking to themselves okay, how can I take that first step? How can I recognize my fuel could burn cleaner or could the engine could be enhanced? And then what can I do about it, so to speak? Any thoughts on that?

Tom, 25m 49s:

yeah, I mean, you know, obviously, working with a high level coach is is is a great investment. You know I offer guarantee on my work. My fees are high, but if I take someone else because I'm absolutely certain I can get them results. But you know what I mean. The world of personal and professional development is well catered for, just you know. You want to type in how do I detox negative emotions from my system? Into youtube you'll get thousands of tools that you can tap into for free. How do I change my language patterns? How do I achieve my belief systems? How do I hold a vision for something more successful? We're in the age of information, of tools that you can tap into for free. How do I change my language patterns? How do I achieve my belief systems? How do I hold a vision for something more successful? We're in the age of information. There's a plethora of it. If something's got more than a million views, then it's worked for other people. There is no shortage of cheap and affordable ways to get access to all of these, a variety of different ways in which you can start cleaning your fuel, changing your engine, building your beliefs, enhancing your vision and aligning with a world that is way more beautiful with less effort, less sacrifice and uh. So yeah, there's no shortage of resources out my man, tom.

Dr. James, 26m 52s:

Thank you so much. If anybody listening to this podcast today wants to reach out to you, how would be the best way to find you?

Tom, 26m 59s:

so my website is just tomfortismayercom and so if people check there, there's also a kind of success psychology questionnaire on my, on my website, on the home page, which you can take, which gives you an idea. My specialism is helping people get out of the way of themselves. So if people are sabotaging or not believing in themselves enough and so for me I am expert in turning that around, which enables people to take it to the next level so people can do that little question on there and that will give them a sense of my work. There's also a whole bunch of free videos on my website as well, so people can tap in and have a look at me there and go into much bigger detail about this stuff my man, tom.

Dr. James, 27m 39s:

It's been awesome to have you back on the denison invest podcast. I'm always looking forward to the next episode, whenever we, you know, whenever we get that in the diary hopefully sometime soon. My friend, I learn every time. I talk to you as well, and I'm sure I'm speaking on behalf of the viewers and listeners too. So thank you once again, buddy, and we'll see each other soon.

Tom, 27m 55s:

Thanks, james always a pleasure.